My End of Year Thoughts

 December 29th -  

It's almost the end of 2021 and I thought I would finish the year with a final blog.

The photo here is how I feel right now ; pretty glad the year is over! This photo was taken after running a 5k for the first time and I was glad it was done, but at the same time quite pleased with myself! 

After my last chemo, I had issues with my pump as the clip on the drip was closed, which was not allowing the drug to be administered through the introvenus as required. I spent three days waiting for the pump to reduce as it should ( it usually takes 48 hrs) and each time the district nurse called, it still hadn't reduced!

Today, I began the day feeling as though I have missed out on a normal Christmas and now I have the usual side effects ; fatigue, nausea and lack of appetite.

However, I decided I was going to finish the year on a positive note , so I grabbed my diary, and began going through all the good, positive events that this year has brought.

I had clearly forgotten some events and after creating a list, I  felt so much better ;

😀  Made a promotional video for my new book, 'Through the valley'  ( this was so much fun!)

😀  Enjoyed two weekends on holiday in Wales and Derbyshire

😀  Started blogging ( with thanks to a friend .)

😀  Had a major bowel operation to remove a cancerous polyp ( and recovered   mega fast!)

😀  Ran 10 k at Tatton Park with 'RunThrough events'

😀  Enjoyed a special birthday weekend at a spa hotel with my family

😀  Had constant support from hubby, family and friends throughout the year ( priceless!)

So, my year has been pretty good! I have achieved things I have never would have thought possible  (especially the 10k run!)

                                      

                                                                The Mynd - Shropshire

You may feel your 2021 has been more 'valleys' than mountains, but can I encourage you to think about those positives ( no matter how small) and enter into 2022 STRONG!💪 

I have no idea how many more sessions of chemo I will need and no idea what 2022 will have in store for me, but I have survived this so far and know God will take me all the way!

HAPPY NEW YEAR !🎈

Treatment Four - Final chemo of 21!

 

December 23rd

Well, it's my last treatment of 2021 today and Laurel Suite has a few festive pictures around!

There were only three of us in the ward receiving treatment today )I think other patients are avoiding side effects over this period !)

I keep a journal and as I look back at the first comment of January 2021 I read;

"No idea what this diary will be filled with this year, sadness, joy, disappointments, loss, but I do know God is with me and I keep Hebrews 12 v 2 in my mind, Look to Jesus the author and finisher of our faith"

I doubt if I had known what this year was to bring, I would have doubted I could deal with it. I have never had a major operation before, or spent time in hospital, apart from having two babies . None of us know what the year, month, week or day will entail ( and it's a good thing we don't know!)

                                                                  My mum, aged 25

Today is my mum's birthday, she would have been 96. she passed away in 2006 (on my birthday!) aged 80 and at the same time I had just found out that my ex was having an affair after 26 years of marriage. This was a horrid year and I couldn't wait to see the end of it! If you would have told me what 2006 had in store, I probably would have hibernated for the year...

However, with God's help and great family and friends , I got through this.

You can read my story in my book which is available via facebook link below;

 Through The Valley | Facebook

Many people who have been through a similar experience have been helped by this book. If no one encountered trials, financial problems; sickness, family problems etc, how would we be able to help others?

As a result of my past experiences, I have chosen to 'cross my bridges as I come to them'  

I love this phrase and after all, there really is no point in worrying over problems that may never happen. The earliest recorded use of this phrase is in Henry Wadsworth Longfellow's 'The Golden Legend'(1851) and was a proverb meaning 'not to anticipate trouble ' which many of us do.

Right now, as we approach 2022, I am thinking , 

Will I need another three months of chemo ? 

How will I know my body is clear of cancer?

How many more hours will I need to be sitting in this ward?

I don't know any of these answers and it's really no use worrying about it yet, I will cross that bridge when I come to it! 

One of the patients had the joy of ringing the "end of treatment' bell today, a really good finish to the year for him and his family and he received a huge applause from us all. He practically ran out of the ward with joy!

Sometime soon, this will be my experience and something I can look forward to.

 One of the patients in the ward always brigs this bag along with her. makes me chuckle every time, as YES we all have problems and your 2022 could be good or bad, depending on how you look at it.

I, personally am glad 2021 has given me this opportunity to go through a major op to remove a polyp, followed by chemo so I can hopefully help others with my blogs.

I hope you can Cross all your 2022 bridges as and when you come to them, there really is no point in worrying in advance!

" Worry is like a rocking chair, you put so much effort in, but it gets you nowhere"

- Joyce Meyer

HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL !🎄😁🤶🎅

 December 16th

TREATMENT FOUR ( or is it?)

                                     

                                                           'A Ward with a View'

I arrived at the Laurel Suite today, armed as usual with my laptop, lunch and water bottle and was escorted to seat 1! ( a chair on it's own at the top of the ward) The ward was busier than usual and it was clear that the nurses were under staffed 

I had my usual bloods taken and whilst waiting for the results, wondered if treatment four really would happen as my Doctor was off sick, and without his go-ahead after the recent heart monitor results ( and palpitations during treatments) the nurses could not administer the usual treatment...

I was offered a coffee whilst phone calls and emails were made  and I had a few thoughts from my new seat.

From here, I see different things, my view of the patients is different and I notice how much longer the ward seems from this view.

This got me thinking about perspectives ; how often we see things/ people from one perspective, just like the optical illusion below - Is it a rabbit or a duck?

https://images.app.goo.gl/n276nc6iLVKMGSGr5

This is a funny story ( with a  Biblical lesson)

Perspective is an amazing thing, isn’t it? You and another person see exactly the same thing happen, but later find out you somehow saw two completely different things! Scientists have even studied this phenomenon and discovered that what we expect to see has a powerful impact on what our brains comprehend.

In one study, a group of subjects (not realizing they were part of a study) went out on a boat on Loch Ness, the supposed home of the famous Loch Ness Monster.

The subjects were told that there had been several sightings by locals, and that there was a good chance that they would see something that morning. As part of the test, a diver had been submerged out in the lake with a plain 4X4 piece of lumber. At a particular point in the voyage, the diver slowly raised the 4X4 board out of the water, held it for a few seconds, then took it back below the surface.

The people on the boat responded excitedly. When they returned to shore, they were asked to draw what they had seen. The subjects drew a long thin neck—with a head! What they saw was completely different from reality—because they weren’t primed to see reality. They were primed to see what they imagined, what they hoped was true. The same thing happens in the way we view our lives and our relationships.

There’s an interesting anecdote from the life of Jesus that illustrates the way He sees, and how it can be so different from what we see. Now as Jesus passed by, He saw a man who was blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him, saying, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in him.” (John 9:1-3)

Do you notice the difference between Jesus and His disciples here? The disciples saw this guy as a potential for a theological argument. “Hey, guys, here’s a hurting person—let’s have a fuss about whose fault it is!” But Jesus saw a chance to glorify God. He saw with clearer eyes what was really going on in this man’s life.

I love this! 

Many times, we see the things / people/ situations HOW we WANT to see them.

Often, seeing things from other people's point of view is hard, we have our own ideas and can be judgmental . Like the people on the boat, we see what we want to see without knowing the full story. 

After reading this ( and enjoying my coffee), the nurse informs me that they cannot give treatment until they receive official word from the Doctor - I am now going home!

So, I am trying to see this from a new perspective and practice what I 'preach' - Just like sitting in my new chair with my new view, this is something for me to see from the nurses perspective, rather than mine ; all this is for my own good and although rather inconvenient today, I need to appreciate the NHS are doing their utmost for me and meanwhile, I will continue to live another week feeling grateful for a few days without side effects.

Not 'JUST' a run....

 

AN 'IN-BETWEENER' -  9th December 2021

 I thought I would share a few thoughts from today.

I am currently on hold from chemo treatment, as I had a heart monitor fitted this week for 24 hours. I recorded all my movements as instructed and although this was quite intrusive, I know the Doctors are making sure the current chemo is suitable (I have experienced palpitations each time I have had chemo and apparently, this can be quite detrimental)

Going forward, they may need to reduce or change the treatment but until then, I will be grateful for this time feeling ‘normal’, rather than feeling tired, sick, no appetite (a few of the side effects I have had)

This morning, feeling quite fit (and a little bored!) I had the urge to go for a short run. ( although when I say this, I mean a slow jog!)

This will be my first for many months and I intended to keep it short and sweet, so I set my goal for 1k.

 

I managed this okay and although my Runkeeper app failed me and stopped working after 0.60 , I was certain from my tracker, I had done 1k ( or maybe a little more)

I returned home and declare to my hubby, “I just did 1k”

I then decided , as part of my cool down stretches, to include a 30 second plank. I was used to doing these in Pilates classes and as a group, we were increasing to 4 minutes before I had my operation in July.

Once again, I felt rather proud of myself although thoughts of “I used to run 5k before my op with no problems, here I am doing only 1k!)

I thought about the word, “just”

How many times do we use this word. I personally don’t like this word as it suggests “only”, “barely, by very small margin’,

The dictionary states;

“The word JUST diminishes the content that follows this word. It is a “protector” word ,a word that softens what you want to achieve. When you say “I’m just following up on my email…” you are downplaying the importance of your email and why you are reaching out. You are softening your request for a response.”

 

I celebrate my small ‘win’ of 1k and 30 second plank today even though, a few months ago this amount would have been so easy for me.

Here’s the moral of the story ;

Goals and achievements are all relative, and I want to encourage you to forget the word “just”!

Keep celebrating your own small wins, no matter how small they seem to the ones in your past  or other people.

 

Today, I felt just as proud of my 1k that I did with my 10k!

💪🏆

 December 2nd 2021

As you can see from the date, it’s been a while since the last treatment.

 

I experienced palpitations after the last treatment and a visit to the Doctor resulted in a heart scan and visit to the cardiologist.

However, despite copious trips to hospital almost every other day ,I felt happy about this and pleased that they were well and truly checking me out. Chemo can affect the heart in many ways and palpitations are very common, and since I have never experienced palpitations in the past (despite my running and fitness!) this was clearly due to the chemo.

I now have a heart monitor fitted next week for 24 hours and all being well, chemo resumes on 16^th

Over the past week, I have been thinking about reasons why we go through things. I saw this post on social media and thought I would share it. I remembered that there were several questions that we will NEVER get answers to. ..

We all want answers and explanations for things we do and think, and ask “Why?” several times a day!

Here are the main reasons to ask questions;

·         To acquire knowledge

·         To eliminate confusion

·         To cause someone else to feel special/ important

·         To solve a problem

·         To create fear

·         To guide a conversation in the direction we want it to go

·         To manipulate

·         To play victim (why is this happening to me?)

As you can see from the list (there are so many more) some of these are positive and some are negative reasons

Have you ever watched an interview and the interviewer uses all CLOSED questions?! (Requiring a yes/ no reply)

A good interviewer will always use open questions, commencing with ”why”, “how”, “can we”,” tell me”

Many times when speaking to my grandchildren, I realise I am asking them too ‘broad’ a question i.e. “What did you do at school today?” rather than “What did you enjoy most at school today?” (much easier for them to understand and process in their minds!)

 

I have many questions from the past that I will never ever get answers to, and have chosen to move on and sometimes you just need to accept that not all questions can be answered and it really is a waste of time and energy,

Maybe you, too have many questions that you are wanting answers to. Maybe you will never find them, maybe you are never meant to know, maybe if you knew, you would feel worse!..

Look forward to each new day and another ’chapter’ and don’t lose any more sleep on the “Whys”😀